anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
