i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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