The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
