aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
