Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
