By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
