Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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