PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
