She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All I want is dick and wine.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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