Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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