I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
