girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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