im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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