I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
