I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I did not marry a roomba.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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