nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
