My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
