i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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