Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
