i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
