Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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