Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
