nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
