So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
