Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
