Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
