Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
