She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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