I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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