This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
