I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When are your genitals available?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
