my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
