How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
