your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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