This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
