I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
