Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i drank out of a bidet.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need to sanitize my soul.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
