found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
