Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
