You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
