after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
