stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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