Where did you get a picture of my penis
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
