Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
