Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
