I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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