did you get engaged???
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
