i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
