am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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