dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
