I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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